desire

and in the end there was nothing and out of that vacuum there came a man who had no name or number but who stood aside and apart from the all others. and if there was a god then god had no place within his sphere of existence and they left each other alone for in the cold comfort of his empty world he was everything and he was nothing. he didn't understand loneliness but he was lonely. he didn't understand love but he understood desire. he didn't have a name because he knew nothing of names. he only knew desire and so he called him/her self desire.
and desire burnt bright within him and without him

and after awhile he decided to move out into the dark to find if there was anything else out there and so he moved forward unconcerned and unknowing into the dark that was as thick as treacle and as black as pitch but after a matter of hours or years or minutes or eons, for he had no way to measure time, he had found nothing, only the vast and empty dark that stretched out in front of him like the forerunner of forever and although it was warm and silent he shivered as if a cold wind had fell upon him and being the only one he thought upon this and felt that it might be wise to lay his head down and rest his eyes for even though he was eternal he felt a weight fall upon him and he wanted to sleep

he awoke and stretched his limbs and he felt desire fill him and he was desire and he desired others but he didn't know where to find them or how to seek them so he stood tall and proud and made a sound like the rush of water upon solid rock. it was the sound of anguish and vast emptiness and it filled the huge space around him with hollow echoes. but there was no response to his siren call, no sound. nothing.
he wondered at this and made his mind up to seek again for the one thing that he so wanted and he looked toward a spot of light that was no larger than a pin head and so began to walk toward it

he walked for a lifetime and he walked for an age of man that numbered in eons but still the light was distant and remote and then after an eternity he came upon a beautiful swan that was a shock of white in a blanket of black and he was both startled and afraid for he had never seen anything so wondrous or beautiful before and he cowered down in front of the bird trembling and tearful until after a time the bird spoke in a voice of gentle lotus blossoms that filled his heart and emptied his soul of fear so that he would never be afraid again and the bird said to him to rise up and to hold his head high and not to be lonely anymore for now there was another with him in the void and together they could journey and perhaps in their quest they might come across others like them and so they set off and walked as one down the long corridors of time toward the distant light

and together they walked all though neither of them knew the others name and the light before them still seemed to be a lifetime away but was fractionally closer than it had been when they had began their sojourn and then, without thought or reason the bird began to speak saying that he was a young bird and was new to this realm and he had seen no others like him but had given himself a name and that name was Temo and he said that it reflected his heart which was soft and round and then the bird asked the man what name he had given to himself and the man had smiled and said that he hadn't given himself a name but liked the idea of having one and then the bird said that he should give himself a name and one that summed up his being and his soul but still the man couldn't think of an appropriate word or sound and so the bird said that he should call himself Nolace and the man laughed for the joy of the sound of the name and agreed that it was a fine name and that from now on he was Nolace

Nolace and Temo walked and as they walked they spoke in hushed tones and as they left each new phrase behind them it fell like rain and sounded like music and they walked and talked and did not notice the passing of time or indeed the distance that they covered and before long they had decreased the distance between them and the spot of light in the far distance so that now the spot of light was more the size of a thimble head and upon seeing this Temo said look and Nolace too saw what they had achieved and laughed and clapped his hand with unbound joy for he knew that with every step they took they were getting nearer to their destination and the thought of that made him glad

from out of the void came a sound like thunder that grew ever nearer until suddenly they saw before them a creature the like of which they had never seen before tall with four legs and a sable coat that was almost as black as the void that they walked in and for a moment they grew afraid and wouldn't move but Temo gave out a welcome and the creature acknowledged his greeting and return the courtesy with warm and gentle words and then Nolace asked the creature what it was and why it was running at such speeds in the black to end all dark and the creature answered that he was a horse and that he ran fast and long because that was what horses did and then he asked then what they were doing walking so slowly together for and they told him of the light and their desire to get to it and the horse whose name was Rima offered to carry Nolace on his back and then Temo the swan could fly beside them and then they would get there sooner and they all agreed to this and so started off

they travelled at speeds that dazzled the eyes and before long had covered a great distance although the light still seemed relatively small and far off and so they decided to stop and rest awhile and so Nolace climbed down off of the back of Rima and declared that he would go in search of something to eat for each of them and he asked them what they craved and Temo said fish for it was fish that swans ate and nolace nodded although he not where he would fish and then he asked Rima what he craved and the horse answered grass for indeed it is grass that horses eat and again Nolace nodded but again he was perplexed for he not where to find grass but nonetheless he went of looking for these foodstuffs and he told hi s two friends that he wouldn't be long and to stay where they were so that he could better find them when he returned

and in his search for water and grass he came across a host of creatures that were not fish but were not mammals and they called themselves the Sloemaet and they had cruel claws and sharp teeth and they could run like the wind and he asked of them what was it that they wanted and they answered flesh and the meat of living things for they were carnivores and they ate living things and he was appalled by this and fearful for his safety and afraid of what they might do if they encountered his new found friends and so he decided to run away from the Sloemaet and in the opposite direction to his friends so that the Sloemaet would never find them and hunt them and eat them

Nolace ran with the Sloemaet chasing at his heels with their cruel teeth gnashing for the lust of his flesh and their spiteful talons scratching at the air in mock abuse of his skin and he ran as though his life depended on it for of course it did for the Sloemaet wanted nothing more than to devour him and to consume his flesh and to gnaw on his bones and to drink his blood and they chased him because hunger drove them and their hunger was fierce and it burnt within them like a coal ember that sits in the bowels of a fireplaces hearth and glows a constant heat that never dies and never grows but simply persists day in and day out a constant reminder of the hunger that is their companion and Nolace ran hard and fast and although the Sloemaet ran fast to their legs were not as long or as strong as Nolace's and eventually he outdistanced them and he left them far behind and he came to a place that he had never seen or been to before and it was green and filled with the sound of water and being tired Nolace laid down and closed his eyes

when he awoke he stretched and looked around at the green grove that he had inadvertently ran into and he saw to his left a large pond of water that lay mirror quiet and soft and he realised that he had accidentally discovered a place that could both feed and nourish his two friends but unfortunately he didn't know where they were or indeed how they were and if they had managed to avoid the Sloemaet and Nolace got up and walked to the pond whereupon he bent down and took a slow sip from its reflective waters and it tasted good and made him feel better within himself and he ambled through the verdant growth that he knew must be grass and it felt smooth and cool to his footfall but he knew that he couldn't stay here but somehow had to make his way back to his friends

he left the green lushness of the place he called SILENCE and ventured back into the black for to find his friends and to restart the sojourn to the light but he had no idea where they might be although he was determined not to simply desert his friends or to leave them at the mercy of the Sloemaet and so he wandered on as before without friend or companion and surrounded by the dark void

but he didn't leave by the way he came which was the east side but he left instead by the south side where it felt warmer and he thought that he would be able to swing around and circle back the way he had come but this time avoiding the Sloemaet but the heat slowed him down and he felt hot and listless and unable to think of anything apart from putting one foot in front of the other but he pressed on and eventually came to a rocky and dry place that was burnished like gold and swelteringly hot and echoed with the sound of summer.

out of the dry sweltering heat came a slow, slithering sound as of something large dragging its legless frame across the sand and rocks and with a sibilant sigh a huge snake like creature twisted into view with a hideous and demonic eye and a large mouth that contained knife like teeth that glistened foully with a green and yellowish tinge and exuded a noisome smell of death and decay and Nolace became very afraid even more afraid then when he first met Temo and far more afraid even than when he first encountered the Sloemaet but he wouldn't give in to his fears this time and stood tall and silent and proud.

"my name is Nondrigon and be not afraid for i will not hurt you or though i am able to. i am a snakeworm of these sandy desert wastes and i hunt on my own and being on my own is my way but i grow tired of my solitary existence and would like to leave these the dry quarters and find some where warm and green and with water to bathe in and sun to bask in. do you know of such a place? for if you do i will spare your life and we will become life long friends". and Nolace said that he did know of such a place for he had just left it behind and he gave directions to Nondrigon and went to leave but the giant snake asked him to stay awhile and to be his companion a little longer but Nolace explained that he couldn't for he had two friends that he had to find and he told Nondrigon of his search for the light that now seemed so far away again and Nondrigon hissed a response but siad that he understood and the two parted and as they went there separate ways Nondrigon said that should they ever meet again that he would remember Nolace's kindness and would evermore consider him a friend.

And then Nolace moved out again and further back into the void and he felt its dark shape envelope him and shroud him as though he was a baby in the womb of bitter night and he knew that he had to get back to his friends so that they could again search together for the distant light but again he felt a solitary sadness mixed with a clinging and cloying sense of loss for the green oasis that he had found and also of Nondrigon his new friend but still he pushed on with a relentless ambition
From the far distance, Nolace spoted the faint glow of an ember burning. It wasn't the glow of the distant light but rather the glow of a fire burning. Indeed he could smell the charcoal and wood and could hear the crackling of the kindling as it burnt. Also there was the smell of cooking that arose with a delicate and mouth watering fragrance.

At first Nolace feared that it might be the Sloemaet feasting on some kill but then the thought of the Sloemaet cooking their kill rather than rending it bit by bit made him realise what a ridiculous notion that was.
He approached the fire with caution and with a wary eye and noticed that near the centre and to the right of the campfire, for indeed that was what it was, stood a group of creatures the like of which he had never seen before.
They were man like and very tall with two arms two legs but differed in that they head tiny heads with long pointed snouts.
"Welcome" said their leader "I am Stydoog and these are my collective. We are they that are called the Ornilowe".
And so Nolace sat down and ate with Stydoog and the others of the Ornilowe and the food was good and the water sweet. They spoke of many things that included Nolace's search for the light that shone at the centre of creation and also his quest to find his friends, Temo and Rima, and also of his encounter with the Sloemaet and also his brief meeting with the snakeworm Nondrigon.

And all the while Stydoog listened as Nolace told his tale and of his encounters with the individuals that he had met and after listening for an time Stydoog spoke.

"You say that you are looking for the light that sits at the centre of all things for you believe and hope that there you will find salvation. Salvation in terms of friendship and companionship and peace of heart and mind.
But have you not already found these things?
You came across and then left behind a beautiful oasis that contained within its borders both food and water aplenty. You have met three individuals that you could count on as friends and even went as far as to protect these self same individuals from harm at the hands of the Sloemaet by leading them away from them in pursuit of your self.
Is it not time that you stopped chasing the dream of light and embraced the idea of finding happiness were you find it?
Return to the oasis and your friends will no longer be there for time has moved on and they are gone. Time waits for no one and is no ones friend.
You have found potential happiness and yet have overlooked it in the pursuit of a dream. A dream that has only brought you grief. Relinquish the dream and live the reality."

Nolace knew in his heart that Stydoog's words were wise and true and he nodded in agreement and then, after a moments delay when he collected his thoughts, he turned to Stydoog and said,

"Everything you said is true. I will do as you say but I would ask you and all the Ornilowe to grant me but one wish."

"Name it and it will be yours."

"Let me join and accompany you."

There was a moments silence whilst Stydoog contemplated the request and then he answered with a smile.